Persuasive Writing - Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our field!!!!!!!!!!!
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I definitely think we should fix the field so we can still have events like the gala. The field would give us more area to run around and there would not be as many injuries. It would be fun to be able to use the sports equipment on the field. We would have a better chance to do well at sporting events if we had the field to train on.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly,I think we should fix our field because we have events, like our gala which brings in money for our school.
	Secondly, it is a large part of our school and it is  really crowded on the concrete. If the field is fixed it will reduce injuries and it will give all the children more space.
	Thirdly, it will make  use of all our sports equipment and we can do running races. There is a lot of sports equipment in the PE shed that we can’t use because the field is not in use.
	Finally, we can practise for tournaments and we can keep fit. Children need to keep fit and run around in the fresh air.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our field because we need the field for events, we don’t have enough room to play, we need our field for sports training and games,and need our field because it is  really crowded.It is vital that we have a good field at school.