Robot Rampage

At school we have been learning how to do a piece of narrative writing. Here is my work.

Narrative Writing Term 3 2017

Click on the link below to watch the story starter for this week.

http://success-for-boys.tki.org.nz/Teaching-learning-resources/Story-Starters/Runaway-Robot-Rampage

Story Starter = reretao Rampage

Your Name:Eamon!!

Story starter: Every weekend there was one job Sans hated doing: mowing the lawns. He’d much rather be building his latest robot invention in the shed.That was it! What if Sans could build a robot to mow the lawns?

WALT: write a narrative that entertains or tells a story about people,places or events.
S.C:
Our Story will...
-have a title that captures our reader's interest
-Have an orientation/beginning that has a hook and establishes the setting and characters.
-Have a complication/problem that needs to be solved
-Have a conclusion where the problem is solved.
-Use interesting language, words, adjectives, language features such as similes, onomatopoeia
-plan our story so we know what to write about
-proof-read and edit
-make sure your sentences make sense
-use a range of punctuation
-Use some Te Reo Māori words

Planning

Title:	Robot rampage
Orientation/Beginning/Hook Characters	Every weekend there was one job Sans hated doing: mowing the lawns. He’d much rather be building his latest robot invention in the shed.That was it! What if Sans could build a robot to mow the lawns?
Complication/Problem	Pepe - robot Sans built a robot to mow the lawns.  He builds his robot out of computer, mouse and keyboard and lawn mower `parts. The robot malfunctions. It starts to suck things in instead of cutting the lawns. It sucks in anything that gets in its path!
Conclusion - How does the problem get solved?	Sans builds another robot that is a combat robot and it fights his lawn mower robot Pepe. Sans knew there was a weak point in Pepe. There is a wire on the back of PePe's head and if you break it Pepe will be disabled. The combat robot uses his weapon the ripper ( a tiny chainsaw dagger) and he slices the wires at the back of Pepe's head (Teacher help) The disaster was over. Sans keeps building more robots but now he knows what to do and he makes lawn mowers that are automatic.  His combat robot becomes his bodyguard.  Sans becomes very rich from building robots. Richer than the Queen.
Language Simile (He was as tall as a giraffe/ She was like a wild, angry gorilla that had been released from its cage!) Onomatopoeia(sound words) Interesting Adjectives (describing words) Te Reo Māori.	The combat robot was as strong as a blue whale. reretao

Write Your Story Here

Robot Rampage

Every weekend there was one job Sans hated doing: mowing the lawns. He’d much rather be building his latest keretao (robot) invention in the shed.That was it! What if Sans could build a robot to mow the lawns?

Sans built a robot to mow the lawns.  He builds his robot out of a computer, a computer mouse and keyboard and lawn mower `parts. Than just as he finished building the robot it malfunctions. It starts to suck things in instead of cutting the lawns. It sucked  in anything that gets in its path! Then Sans builds another robot that is a combat robot and Sans made the combat robot as strong as a blue whale!!!! It also fights his lawn mower robot Pepe. Sans knew there was a weak point in Pepe. There is a wire on the back of Pepe's head and if you break it Pepe will be disabled. The combat robot uses his weapon the ripper ( a tiny chainsaw dagger) and he slices the wires at the back of Pepe's head bang!

The disaster was over. Now  Sans knows what to do and he makes lawn mowers that are automatic. His combat robot becomes his bodyguard and Sans gets his new lawn mower robots to mow other people’s lawns for $10 or if it is really big $20. Now he doesn’t need his mum’s pocket money because he’s made so much robot’s and they are making him lots of money.

“Excellent!”  Sans was very happy.  

The End.

How did you go?I did good

What do you think you did well? I think I did well at imagining things.

What could you work on next time?more Māori words

Teacher Feedback:

Kia ora Eamon

I really enjoyed working with you on this story because this time you had a much clearer idea about how your story would work. You had a clear idea for the beginning, problem and how the problem would get solved.

I also liked some of the interesting language you used like, ‘ as strong as a blue whale!!!! ‘

I want you to keep working on making a clear plan for your story so that you know what to write about.

Well done. Ka pai tō mahi tuhituhi.